I Need a Scapegoat and Some Clones

The other night i was thinking it would be great if i had more hours each day to accomplish things. Then i remembered how when i had a campus "break" my professors would inevitably assign more reading or writing to use that time. I feel that is what life does now--there is always someone who needs or wants just one more thing, and it seems like everyone wants Tuesdays! I get so frustrated, because I find it physically impossible to be everywhere i wish i could at any given hour. I get angry with myself, because in those moments when i realize i cannot be everywhere, i often drop my personal appointments to honor someone else's perceived crisis, whim, or unscheduled question. I get angry because i don't know why it is so difficult for me to exert my boundaries and ask other people to respect my needs. I consider myself fairly "low maintenance" so i resent it that much more when i finally make a choice and then dishonor it by allowing someone or something else to overlap that time, space, or other resource.

I need a scapegoat so i can make excuses until i can simply state my needs.

I need some clones because no one else picks up my responsibilities if i check out, so i need a way to catch up after the meetings, added tasks, and re-dos.

Awwww

Sweetest wrong number dial ever--sounds like a little kid trying to call grandma. Thanks, google voice for the giggle when i tried comparing your attempt at the transcript with the actual message.

Earthquake!

Dude said the earth moved.  I didn't feel a thing.

VENTING

     I cannot even begin to describe how angry I get with myself for continuing to try so hard to accommodate others. It starts from a place of genuine concern and desire to be helpful. Then it festers into growing resentment over lost time, lost opportunities, lack of reciprocity, and lack of respect or appreciation. My perpetual problem is that I still give a damn. I wish I could learn to stop, but i know and fear what i would become if i ever did.

TINSTAAFL Reminder

There is no such thing as a free lunch. I learned in history class years ago this phrase originated at a time when bars were trying to drum up business and would offer "free" lunches to those who would come in and pay to drink. So it is with many things in life--there may be a tempting hook or offer, but ultimately there will be some investment or payment required, whether or not it is disclosed. In my opinion and current situation, even a "FULL REBATE" isn't "FREE" for me, because i haven't yet created much of a slush fund, so i don't have the means to front for any offer or endeavor. Sometimes this means i "miss out" on some really good stuff. Sometimes the deals present themselves again; sometimes they do not. It's a good thing my parents taught me long ago to get used to hearing (and now saying) the word NO.

The $100 Game

As the year rolls to a close and i scurry around trying to tie up loose ends to achieve the illusion of temporary closure, I decided to play a new level of my one hundred dollar game. Below are the first few things that come to mind for consideration should I "find" an extra one hundred dollars among my assets or in near future. I might actually return to this after my birthday, pick a few, rank them, and start planning and saving. They're really not uber-extravagant wishes, but sadly, were not realities in 2012.

* a "free" (AFTER REBATE) smart phone and sim card, along with first month's service

* an "extra" payment on any of my open accounts (student loans, etc.)

* a 2-meter radio for Amateur operation

* new living room curtains

* charitable contributions to favorite organizations

* a driving day

* seed money toward a car, trip, bed, or new business venture

Dear [Proprietary Syrup that Would Have Alliterated]

your children's dose still tastes as gross now as it did 30 years ago, and it still makes me sleepy, but thank you for staying on the market, and more importantly, thank you for helping me to breathe again. Workplace cold? severe allergy attack? both? who cares, I'm going to be just fine.