IC announces new online events calendar with postcards!

You may or may not find that as humorous as me, but i'm giggling inside.

Two Challenges to Consider

A coworker of mine is doing a "Hundred Happy Days" challenge. Each day she finds something that makes her happy. Then she takes a picture of it and writes a little caption for Facebook. I've been contemplating a writing version of that challenge for myself.

Another writing challenge i plan to start soon is my hundred things. I read a while back one way to pare down is to contemplate which 100 items you would deem most necessary or useful, and then get rid of everything else. While i'm nowhere near that level of "freedom" yet, i do thoroughly intend to reflect on not only what i deem necessary but why. It should be quite a project.

Alas, Poor Blog, It's Been So Long!

I have a very strong drive to write, and truthfully i'm writing and editing in my mind almost continuously, in my waking and non-waking moments. I could not believe the date of my "last" post when i logged in today. it makes me a little sad when i think of all the other things that "get in the way" or get deemed "more important" than those things that bring me joy or a moment of honest expression. I've already re-read the first three sentences twice and forgotten what i was going to write next, but i shall let it stand to mark this place in time where i chose a moment to just write.

I hope that rekindling the fire shall produce some more impressive and regular results in future.

p. 179?

Yup. I'm having a William S. Burroughs moment. Props if you know the reference or find it.

Your Need to "Remember" Shouldn't Trump My Desire to "Forget"

People keep feeding the dark by dumping so much energy into commemorating bad things. Doesn't that effectively give the victory to the trouble makers? How much better it would be to move on, hmm?

Of COURSE i remember, too. My career pretty much ended before it ever began. I spent a lifetime preparing for a profession i no longer felt confident to participate in (at least not in the "traditional" way). I spent the next 11 years trying to earn back the salary i lost when i walked away. I still struggled with my professional identity (or perceived lack thereof) for the better part of the decade. I made my choices, lived with the consequences, and accept that while i'm not where i hoped to be by now, I am where I am, I do what I do, I still try to love an honor all my neighbors, and I both hope and work for a better world every day. I'm not ignorant or insensitive, but I don't find it healthy to relive trauma repeatedly nor to wear it like a special badge after initial recovery begins. I wish each person health, happiness and hope, not misery, broken tapes and negative feedback loops.

When I Get to 50

I won't have to buy a diamond because i'll be one from all this pressure.

I Need a Scapegoat and Some Clones

The other night i was thinking it would be great if i had more hours each day to accomplish things. Then i remembered how when i had a campus "break" my professors would inevitably assign more reading or writing to use that time. I feel that is what life does now--there is always someone who needs or wants just one more thing, and it seems like everyone wants Tuesdays! I get so frustrated, because I find it physically impossible to be everywhere i wish i could at any given hour. I get angry with myself, because in those moments when i realize i cannot be everywhere, i often drop my personal appointments to honor someone else's perceived crisis, whim, or unscheduled question. I get angry because i don't know why it is so difficult for me to exert my boundaries and ask other people to respect my needs. I consider myself fairly "low maintenance" so i resent it that much more when i finally make a choice and then dishonor it by allowing someone or something else to overlap that time, space, or other resource.

I need a scapegoat so i can make excuses until i can simply state my needs.

I need some clones because no one else picks up my responsibilities if i check out, so i need a way to catch up after the meetings, added tasks, and re-dos.